Anger often arises when others do not respond or interact with us the way we want. Maybe they are not delivering something we feel we deserve to receive. Perhaps they are not behaving according to social norms.
However, the idea that we should be treated a certain way is just a construct we have built.
We can release this reactance to not getting what we want by raising awareness of our ability to change our inner being. We can also step into being at peace with the outcome even if it was not our ideal. When we choose to embrace our unwanted experiences and let go of any blame we allow any irritation we might experience to just be.
Sometimes people might behave with a genuine lack of respect or honor for our personal being or for someone else’s personal being and we might be righteous in our response. When we feel diminished we may feel justified in blaming and expressing our rage. This reaction tells us where our passion lies but the anger holds us hostage beyond the situation itself.
There might also be cases where we hold back our anger because we feel that it is negative or inappropriate. This also holds us hostage beyond the situation itself because it is suppressed.
In both these cases of expressing or suppressing our rage, we might actually feel better at that moment. However, we are not actually processing at a deeper level the reasons why this response was activated.
To turn anger into a blessing, follow these three practical steps:
1) Find a cathartic outlet for the build-up of emotion.
2) Be curious about the aspect of self-love that the anger has activated.
3) Decide how you can step up to address this aspect of self-love in your daily routine.
Healthy expression of anger
How can you feel and release?
Allow the anger to flow internally. We often push back against feeling this way and the emotion gets suppressed or denied. Instead, have compassion for feeling this way and find sensible outlets for safe release. This could be through physical exercise or isolated venting. Give yourself permission to feel it. This is not the same as permission to act on it.
What does the anger point to for your healthy being?
Identify what needs greater nurture. The anger is likely flagging where we have allowed others to overstep their boundaries. Perhaps we have not demanded that we be given a choice. It provides greater clarity on the ways that we engage that bring us vitality and those that don’t. Each of these insights means letting go of an old way of being and adopting a new one. This involves both a release and renewal as we realign. Part of this release and renewal is forgiveness for not embracing this love sooner and greater compassion for everywhere that this loving space has not been made a priority.
What steps can you take to honor your inner being?
Take some time to appreciate how anger makes you change how you honor yourself. It shifts from being about defending your honor to honoring the flow of your energy. Defending your honor usually results in acting out and creates additional conflict. Honoring the flow of your energy is about watching the frameworks that are activated when you feel angry. If people are taking from you in such a way that does not allow you to be loving to yourself then you are choosing instead to honor your need to restore and/or limit depletion.
To move away from defining your honor, ask yourself “Does an external expression of anger nurture you or not?”. If not then apply this energy instead to assert adjustments in action for your own wellbeing. Firm requests around your engagements allow you to honor your beliefs, needs, personal goals, space, or safety.
When you choose to work with anger this way it becomes a gift that allows you to provide greater service to yourself and others. It allows us to become conscious of where we have attachments, desires, or aversions: any identification with an opinion or attitude that can then be unraveled.